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Corporate babble-speak

photo from Bureau of Labor Statistics
During my haphazard research into this new campaign setting, I found a generator for fake corporate mission statements. It already knows an impressive array of business jargon, but the program allows you to add anything you think is missing. To add new words to the list...er, I mean to synergize legacy vocabulistic infrastructure with neologistic business expressions, click on the appropriate tab (nouns, verbs, adverbs or adjectives) and enter a comma at the end of the extant list to include words like:
photo from the Bureau of Labor Statistics
  • incentivize
  • crowdsource
  • smartsize
  • rightsize
  • six-sigma
  • black belt
  • refocus
  • reorient
  • recenter
  • positive externalities
  • prioritize
  • bifurcation
  • breakthroughs
The vision statements and enterprise goals produced are needlessly obtuse, the perfect artifacts of our age to let Gamma World characters find scrawled on the walls of office complexes or embossed on stationary. Imagine the fun as the party puzzles over such nuggets of wisdom like:
It is our challenge to completely utilize prospective solutions while endeavoring to assertively crowdsource paradigm-shift methods of empowerment.
Or let them be mystified by bold pronouncements such as:
It is our responsibility to quickly incentivize progressive methods of empowerment to allow us to continue to globally smartsize timely information while maintaining 100% customer satisfaction.
Okay, back to serious work.

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